Spotting the Signs: Emotionally Abusive Relationships
When people think about abusive relationships or domestic violence, their first thought is usually physical abuse, but emotional abuse is way more common than you may think. It should be taken just as seriously and can be even harder to identify or recognize. Emotional abuse is behaviors or tactics that control, manipulate, isolate, or harm another person.
Key Signs of Emotional Abuse
It is important to recognize the signs early. An individual who uses abusive behaviors may exhibit are generally using tactics to establish control. Some key signs to look out for include:
“Love-bombing”
Using threats
Intentionally putting you down or “character assassination”
Public embarrassment
Unpredictable behavior
Call you names
Withholding affection and support
Intense jealousy
Monitor your whereabouts
Isolation; makes you feel guilty, or keeps you from seeing your friends and family
Gaslighting
Guilt-tripping
While they may not physically hurt you, figuring out how to navigate controlling people is stressful and impacts your mental health resulting in serious long-term effects. The constant criticism or belittling comments have a direct impact on your self-esteem and overall well-being. You may find that your partner shifts the responsibility and blame onto you without ever taking responsibility.
Recognizing the Patterns
The cycle or “wave” of abuse is a pattern of behavior that often occurs in an emotionally abusive relationship.
The stages of emotional abuse are:
Honeymoon
Tension Building
Incident
Hearts & Flowers
Calm or Same Old Stuff
The length of each phase can be very different. It happens repeatedly, making it hard for people to leave because it becomes “normal”. Just when they think they can’t take it anymore, the abuser goes back to the honeymoon phase, reminding them why they like or love their partner. It can be very confusing.
Seeking Help and Support
It can be challenging to ask for help, but you are not alone. What you went through is not who you are. Chances are you have experienced isolation from family and friends, and it can be good to reconnect with them after a breakup.
If you are seeking a MA-licensed therapist, to help you process your experiences, I would love to hear from you. Call or email to schedule a free consultation today. Therapy can teach you helpful skills for coping after an abusive relationship.
Other resources are available, including:
