Moving Forward After a Toxic Relationship
There is no one way to feel or heal after you leave an abusive or toxic relationship. Recovering from an abusive relationship is a process and not linear, but it is possible.
There are many types of abusive situations and relationships:
emotional
physical
verbal
sexual
Spiritual
stalking
financial (e.g. limiting access to funds, controlling shared finances)
reproductive coercion (e.g. breaking condoms, interfering with birth control access)
technological (e.g. stalking, demanding passwords or access to your phone)
After leaving you may face a range of complex emotions and thoughts including:
missing your ex
feeling lonely or isolated
debating going back to the relationship
feeling uncertain or unable to make decisions by yourself
feelings of anxiety or depression
finding it difficult to feel independent
a lingering fear or sense of being in danger
symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
These feelings are all normal given different circumstances. You may also feel some positive emotions as well and you do deserve to feel great!
Here are some tips to help you find joy again as you move forward and heal:
Create a Safety Plan
Safety and security should be a top priority. It is important to assess and re-establish your sense of safety. You can create a plan for all the “what-ifs” (i.e. seeing your ex in public or if they contact you on social media.
Set Boundaries
Setting boundaries can be a healing experience and is important to start practicing even after the relationship has ended. It can be difficult to set boundaries in an abusive or toxic relationship, to begin with, but it is never too late to start. Also, consider setting digital boundaries.
Prioritize self-care and self-love
Give yourself time to grieve without judgment, and reconnect with your routines and ordinary life. Maybe you pick up a new hobby or rediscover an old one. Journaling can also be a powerful processing tool to reflect on your experiences.
Educate yourself about the abuse
Educating and learning about abuse can be very healing and prevent you from entering similar situations in the future.
Some topics you could learn more about include:
warning signs of abuse
reasons people stay in toxic relationships
barriers to leaving
how abuse shows up in different areas of life
Build a Support System and Ask for help
It can be challenging to ask for help, but you are not alone. What you went through is not who you are. Chances are you have experienced isolation from family and friends, and it can be good to reconnect with them after a breakup.
If you are seeking a therapist, to help you process your experiences, I would love to hear from you. Call or email to schedule a free consultation today. Therapy can teach you helpful skills for coping after an abusive relationship.
Other resources are available, including:
